New Game

Ever find that you read or hear just what you need to read or hear?  Linda Lou has just such a post for me today.  I was just saying to my dad yesterday, that I feel kind of devalued now that I'm not going to an office every day.  Of course, I do get to do things like go to a baseball game with my dad in the middle of day in the middle of the week.  With all the old farts.

How many times since retirement almost 3 years ago have I posted about this topic?  I'm not even going to go back and count.

This negative self-talk about my unorthodox new life, i.e., retirement from one job, has got to stop!

People kid me about it all the time, and I have to admit it kind of stings.  I laugh it off, but it feeds into my already shakey opinion of my situation.

The fear I have is that I am perceived as a leech, a mooch, a ne'er-do-well for crying out loud.

Positive self-talk, on the other hand, includes: I've got health insurance, a pension, a car, a place to live, and, let's face it: great teeth.  Don't discount the teeth part.  My dad has great teeth, and his new dentist just told him he rarely sees an 80 year old mouth in such great shape.  Dental work is the shits, so I am grateful for state of my teeth (recent crown notwithstanding).  Other positives include that I am here helping my parents whenever possible, and they appreciate it very much.  I'm the family 'go to gal' and I'm happy to help.

This morning as I passed the living room window, I saw a homeless woman sitting on the bench in the community area.  All bundled up, with a shopping cart full of bags.  Sitting there surrounded by expensive homes and landscaped yards.  It now feels almost criminal for me to whine about my tender post-retirement guilt.

So, I thank Linda for her excellent post today; I thank my lucky stars for the things I have in this life and for the people who love me.  And the next time someone teases me about being retired I will slap them upside their head.

What is my Subconscious Telling Me?

Oh, what horrors!  I awoke from a dream wherein my retirement was - gasp - rescinded.  Seriously.  I was expected back in the office.  The whole thing was a dream.  "What is this? Stalin's Soviet Union?  Are you F*#%ing kidding me?"

Thank Jesus, Joseph & Mary: just a dream.  Whew.  I'd better go make some coffee in preparation for some navel gazing.

Morning 3: Dog Sitting and Roses

Enjoy the roses and the bird song.

Morning 2: See what I've been seeing

Morning 2 of retirement. A soak in a lukewarm hot tub...I added a touch of new water last night and, oops, not quite up to temp yet! Hot coffee, espresso roast, with half and half. And bogging. I have a feeling I'll be spending more time than I thought checking out new (for me) blogs. Here's one I found this morning, and she is delightful, creative, talented, and real. Yesterday I discovered Mexico Bob and took a real trip into the southland. I found Bob via a blog called Mexico Cooks! which is all things culinary, cultural and artistic in Mexico. My friend Tobin recently posted on Facebook about the joys of his travels in Mexico. Got me thinking and dreaming about traveling there.

Anywhooooo....I have chores to do, weeds to pull, dishwasher to unload. So I'll say adios por ahora.

Last Days

A gal in my office gave me this to wear today. Sure, I'll wear it! I feel in the party/silly/wow mood. It is unreal.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

I was hoping to find Susan's version of "Follow Me" from her "Hope and Desire" album on Youtube, but nope. The song made me tear up. Everything is making me tear up. I think I'm experiencing the highs and lows that come with monumental change. Three more days of working at the university; horrible local news stories; feeling overwhelmed by it all. Did you ever just stand there in the yard, looking at the work that needs doing, and say, "Screw it, I'm going inside."? I'm doing that outside and in. I've always known that I can be overly task oriented and it creates this great internal panic to get everything done. This is going to be something to work on. Sort out and prioritize and keep things in balance. I feel that electric buzz that makes me think I'm physically going to break off into a thousand different pieces and go spinning off into space. Nothing to do for it except turn up the music and focus on folding the laundry (or cleaning the kitchen sink, or...or...or...).

Short-Termer

photo by Diane Arbus

I'm going a little bit crazy. I think. 5 working days to go and I'm digging through paper and electronic files trying to organize things for those who will be picking up the tasks. But so much of the work is putting out fires, fly by the seat of your pants, and how can I prepare someone for that? I can't. I should stop trying.

And all work related topics seem suddenly completely irrelevant. Utterly. I. Don't. Care.

7 Days and Counting

Houston, we almost have lift off. 7 more working days....I spent the day handing off tasks and projects to people. Cleaning out the files.

There is no handbook for retirement in terms of 1. where do I put/store all my electronic files? 2. who should I refer people to when they contact me on the phone or email?

Like most stuff at the u. it is 'fly by the seat of your pants time.' That's how it was when I came into the job. A bunch of files handed to me: here, do this. Figure it out. Vaya con dios.

It's weird. 22 years working at this place. Soon to end. Who will I be, what will I do? Open to suggestions...

No April Fools Joke

So...a woman walks into her office. She gets on her e-mail and reads, two days before her 'retirement' interview, that, since once upon a time in her career she was a furloughed employee (2 mos. every summer), her retirement paperwork must go to the Office of the President (OP) for processing, and will be sent to her home in due course. Waaaahhhhh.

The OP has had massive staff cuts and this woman knows it'll be an enternity before the paperwork is mailed to her. And what significance does this have? And who can be contacted in OP to speed this process along? Is it curtains for our aging employee? Stay tuned for more adventures of the Wanna-Be-Retiree.

It's All Right

How do you know when you've come to the end of something? When are you supposed to tough it out, suck it up, give it your best stiff upper lip? When are you supposed to heed the calling, the screaming, the fist-banging of your inner voice?

I am about to work out a retirement agreement with my employer of 22 years. It's not a full pension, but I don't want to work there for the next 8 years to get the full retirement. I realized this when I told people I had to serve 8 more years - like a prison sentence.

The wife and I have had many conversations about scaling back, simplifying, spending less money. All so that I can leave my soulless job behind. Her support of my needs overwhelms me, and humbles me. I have committed to being a house Frau for awhile, a part-time college student for awhile. The family's Girl Friday, indispensable and uber organized. See where life takes me. See where I take my life.

I'm over the scared part, for now. I'm sure I'll get real freaked out after the fact, "OMG what have I done?!" "In THIS economy?!" I've been holding this news close for a few weeks now, just in case something happens and I regain my sanity and change my mind.  I have two more months on the job...won't that be a challenge?  Here's to new beginnings and change!

Well it's all right, riding around in the breeze
Well it's all right, if you live the life you please

Traveling Wilburys - End Of The Line
Uploaded by peter95000