Snap Out of It!

This was posted on Facebook, which is where I picked it up.  It may seem a harsh message (do we really need to call people 'cry babies?') but when I look around at the unmotivated youth in my life, I would like them to get this message loud and clear.

"You are important and you are needed." would be my principle message.  Can't find a job?  Volunteer.  Living at home with your folks because you can't find work?  Pay them back for all they have done for you, and self-motivate to help them with their house repairs, house and yard work and grocery shopping.  Limit your computer and t.v. time -- your life is waiting for you!  Make it happen.

Do you think this is a message that would resonate with young folks?  Or are they likely just to say, "Fuck you."  The only other thing I would add to the message, since we are in the U.S., is if you are at loose ends and the military doesn't appeal to you, seriously consider joining the Peace Corps.  What a great opportunity to give help to those who really need it, and to stretch your own skills and cultural boundaries.  Who knows?  The experience may provide you with a career pathway for the rest of your life.

On Being a Ramp Agent

See this article from Salon on over-anxious parenting.  It is a sad condition of the boomer generation, and I have many friends who are afflicted with it.

I confess I was an over-anxious parent at times, but also a lazy one, which on balance mitigated the ill-affects of needing to micro manage my child's life.

My sisters and I have talked about the lack of parental involvement in our teenage years.  It seems shocking in this day and age, but our parents really stopped having anything to do with our school activities after 5th or 6th grade.  We were left to manage on our own, or with our siblings or peers.  I got advice on which high school classes to pick from my friends or 'guidance' counselors.  My siblings and I chose our own colleges, and I don't recall the folks touring any campus with us.  I did a minimal amount of 'touring' myself.

In the Salon article, the author talks about her parental role of adult children as being the 'ramp agent' at the airport, who guides the planes in and gets them cleaned, fueled and turned around for the next flight.  It's the kids job to fly the planes, not the ramp agents.  I like this metaphor.  Launch 'em off to their next destination -- don't become the destination.

What is it about the boomer generation that has created such over-involved and anxious parenting?  Our parents certainly were not this way.  Why do we care for our adult children as they were fragile beings about to crack apart at the first signs of adversity?  What would I be like without the adversity in my young adult life?  Adversity drove me forward to go to school, to get a job, to make a life worth living so that I could avoid as much adversity as possible.

So why do so many of us feel the anxious need to manage our adult children's lives and make sure that calamity is avoided at all costs?  Is it borne out of guilt that we didn't give them what we should have when they were children?  Were we working too much and too fixated on our own lives to the detriment of our offspring?  Is it because many of us only had one child and  fixated on them because we had the time and energy to do so?  Is it because many of us delayed having children until later in life and so they were our "little miracles" that were overly precious to us?  (Guilty as charged.)

Lots of questions.  Supply me with some answers.  What's your theory?