Lesbian Divorce Shocker!

Ah, June.  The month of celebrations.  It's been a great month so far.  But I have a bone to pick:  my ex wife wrote a snarky little note on the support check this month.  It said, in the memo section, "poor spousal choice."  So I wrote "ditto!"  What? Is this high school? 

See, we gays and lesbians can be as dysfunctional as straight people.  Now, doesn't that make you feel better?  (I know we make it all look so glamorous.)

Our divorce will be final exactly one month from today, and you know I'm going to party.  And, we're not the only lesbian couple divorcing: read about another Lesbian Divorce.  Just goes to show that anyone can dream big, have it all fall apart, and call it quits.  Studies in Norway and Sweden say married Lesbians are twice as likely to get divorced as straight married couples or gay married couples.  Of course they speculate on why.  Hell, I don't know.

What do you think?  Why do lesbians divorce so often?  Don't worry, I don't expect you to know either.  We're all stumped.

We were going to take over the nation!
We were going to kick ass!
Take THAT you homophobic freaks!
We were going to have the best marriage EVER!

And then we didn't.  Tra-la-la.

This past weekend when walking through the wine country with friends, I chirped, "I'm never getting married again!"  You've never heard such giggling and guffawing in all your life.   What do they know?

I shall proudly don my rainbow knee socks that go higher than my knees (thank you Robin and Roger) and be the Rainbow (Princess) Warrior the Bums say I am!

Wearing Red

What a week this is going to be!  Will justice prevail?  Stay tuned.....

Freedom To Marry

Good lawd, but this is good news.  Once again, the USA is behind the human rights curve on this issue.  Sigh.

However, a word of caution to ALL regarding marriage:  take it seriously.  Know what you're getting into.  Know what legal and financial obligations you are agreeing to.

Don't marry someone whose financial values do not align with yours.  If you're responsible, and they have a history of compulsive spending and they need bailing out by relatives:  don't do it.  Live in "sin."  Seriously.  When you are married, their debt becomes your debt.  It's called "community property."  Even the money you've put away for your retirement is community property, and they are entitled to half of it.  That's just the way it is, and it's what every engaged person should get real about.

Don't marry someone who you hope to change.  You will not, you cannot.  All the love in the world won't stop their drinking and drugging if that's what their addiction is.  Their addiction and their painful past is something you can never heal. 

Getting married creates legal bonds.  It is not only about how much you love someone, or what is in your heart.  And when marriages go south, there are inevitable legal and financial consequences, which most people don't realize and will moan and groan about how they are getting "screwed" by their ex.  Please.  That's a tired old game.

So, while I'm pleased that g/l/b/t rights are advancing around the world, I hope people considering marriage will bring some serious study to the issue before signing a contract.  You wouldn't buy a house or get a loan from a bank without reading the contract, would you? 

Wordless Wednesday -- Femme Style

"I am SUCH a Troublemaker!"

Diana Coe is now garnering headlines in North Carolina.  Her story is that she was just selected for Jury Duty and is protesting that civil duty because her civil rights were stripped from her and her husband by Amendment 1 in NC.  "As a lesbian, I am no longer considered a full citizen of the state of North Carolina due to the recent passage of Amendment One and therefore I decline to fulfill my civic duties until my civil rights have been restored to me in full."  It is a great story, one that Lori Hahn writes about at the Bilerico Project.

This piece was pulled from Equality North Carolina:

The Marriage of Diana Coe and Li Hooper

Diana and Li grew up barely 30 minutes from each other here in North Carolina, yet they didn't cross paths until Li transferred to college in Philadelphia where Diana was wo-manning the front desk as a resident assistant registering new students. That was in September of 1984. Diana was immediately smitten and the two embarked on an on again-off again relationship that lasted until Diana graduated in 1987 and moved on to New York. By that time, Li had returned to North Carolina and they kept in touch infrequently over the years. In September of 2009, following a bad break-up, Diana had the irresistable urge to contact Li. The first thing Li said to her was "When are you going to stop all of this nonsense and move down here and marry me?" Diana replied, "Well, anything can happen, I am single now."
While still a bit gun-shy, Diana consented to dating and the two embarked on a long-distance relationship (Diana was now living 900 miles away in Massachusetts, where they could have, ironically, gotten legally married had they decided to live away from their respective families) in December of that year. In July of 2010, Li flew up to pack Diana's belongings, load up the U-Haul, and move her and her then 9-year-old son, to Winston Salem.
While family circumstances mean that they live two miles from each other in their own homes, Li and Diana have, nonetheless, decided to join their lives in a joyous celebration of their love on October 1, 2011. They will be surrounded by more than 100 of their dearest family and friends, more than half of whom are traveling from all across the country. Diana works at the Center for Creative Leadership in Greensboro and is proud activist for marriage equality and transgender rights. Li is hard at work starting a non-profit organization to provide direct services and advocacy to the GLBT community in Winston Salem and the surrounding areas. She hopes to launch GRASP (Gender Revisioning and Sexuality Pathways) after returning from their weeklong honeymoon in Sedona, Arizona. They pray that someday soon they will be able to legalize their marriage in a civil ceremony and eventually join their households. In the meantime, they welcome donations to Equality NC in their honor.
You can view their wedding website and read more of their amazing journey at www.theknot.com/ourwedding/DianaCoe&LisaHooper

Never Forget.

This video makes me ill and sick at heart.  It also makes me angry.  If you ever wonder why we have to advocate for gay/lesbian/bi-sexual/transgender civil rights, watch this video.  



I hope someday people who think like this will have died out.  This is crazy old-world shit.

Appropriate post for Harvey Milk Day, eh?  Hey Harvey, you gave us the strength to carry on and kick some bigoted ass.  We need your spirit more now than ever.

When Worlds Collide

Two worthy posts on the North Carolina vote, one from a North Carolinian, and one from Oregonian, and some time Arizonan, Rain.  They sum up my outrage and indignation nicely.  So I'll save my self the trouble and won't go all argy-bargy on you here.

Then, of course, this historic week beginning with the VP's affirmation of same-sex marriage on national television, to be followed by the President's ever-so-late pronouncement.  Pleased, yes I am, but a little annoyed it took him so bloody long to 'evolve.'

Of course now the House of Representatives just took us backward with their vote on DOMA.  I want the names of the 16 democrats who voted for this atrocity. (Well, actually, I want more than their names, but....)

When President Clinton campaigned on the promise to protect the rights of gays and lesbians to serve in the armed forces, military panic and hysteria ensued.  As a compromise, we got the disastrous Don't Ask Don't Tell.  Good intentions gone horribly wrong.

We are evolving as a nation.  The tide is turning.  This is the natural order of change: one step forward, two steps back.  If polls are to believed, Americans are now leaning toward support of same-sex marriage.  I wonder, then, how 33 states have codified by popular vote a ban on same sex unions. 

Go figure.  I'm tired of arguing the obvious.  I'm a U.S. citizen, not entitled to all the rights of U.S. citizens.  Separate but equal?  Hardly.  Separate and relegated to second-class status. Denied basic rights and protections.

Sorry, can't find the joy today.

What it's Like

It's like a breath of fresh air, to be out of the stifling closet.  It's the ultimate affirmation to be a lesbian and still have the love and support of your parents and your family.  It's a joy to see kids proudly live as a gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender person.  I remember the need to hide when I was a teenager.  To 'go along' to get along.  It took me until my 30s to feel strong enough to love out loud, to love the woman I wanted to love.



It feels like crap to have the state allow me to marry and then revoke that right.  It is heartbreaking to hear homophobic rhetoric on the political stage from assholes who proclaim to know what is right and what is wrong.  Assholes who cheat on their wives, who conduct same-sex affairs behind closed doors, who are drug addicts and alcoholics -- who lead dishonest, immoral lives and then tell us we are sinners.

Shame on all of them.



Can you believe how excellent Chris Wallace is in this interview?

Bravo, Dear Lady

Hope lives.  Even my very right-wing GOP father thinks it's ridiculous that same-sex partners have no marriage rights in this country.  Now that's saying something.



Her speech is especially gratifying because it is a lone Republican voice in a sea of Republican hatred.  How refreshing.

And the Court Says

Waiting anxiously for the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals today on the constitutionality of Prop. 8, Calfornia proposition approved by voters to ban same-sex marriage.  You can keep up to date here.

[This just in.  Federal Court ruled Prop. 8 unconstitutional.]

I wonder, if that prop were voted on today, would it still pass?  Surveys say no, it would not.

I want this issue in front of the US Supreme Court, and that is where it could go next. I'm tired of this state-by-state piecemeal bullshit.  In fact, it surely is destined for the US Supreme Court after this Federal Court's ruling today.  Out of 3 sources, only the SF Chronicle stated the ban would remain in effect while the case goes to the Supreme Court.  I just don't understand how that could be, and I hope the article is incorrect.

The IRS is ahead of the game of this -- perhaps in anticipation of federal law changing -- and now requires domestic partners and same-sex marrieds (where legal) to file as married.  How weird is that?  For most couples, filing as married will get you a larger tax refund (it did for us).  Again, so why is the fed doing this?  I'm very curious.....

Kick Some Homophoic Ass

Okay.  Between the whole Susan G. Komen debacle and now One Million Moms, I'm fighting back.  One Million Moms, as I just discovered, is an offshoot group for radical right wing homophobic Christian organization claiming to defend morals and save the children in this country from filth and smut.  One of their recent campaigns has been to demand that JC Penny pull their spokesperson, the amazing and talented Ellen Degeneres.  They request that supporters, "Make a personal phone call to JC Penney's corporate headquarters and ask JC Penney to replace Ellen Degeneres as their new spokesperson immediately to remain neutral in the culture war."


Ellen?  Really?  The number one talk-show host who is as sweet and wholesome as apple pie?  Oh...because she is a lesbian...oh, okay.  Ellen is corrupting our wholesome family-oriented American values?  Hardly.


It's been building: the Virginia Legislature passed a bill to require women to undergo (and pay for) ultrasounds before they receive an abortion.  Susan G. Komen organization pulled funding from Planned Parenthood (restored after a huge outcry).  And One Million Women claim that having the lovely and talented Ms. Degeneres as a spokesmodel is insulting to Americans.


There is an hatred of women going on here.  And a hatred of homosexuals.  I am sick and tired of it and I'm not going to take it anymore.  How in the hell do they think they're going to get away with this crap?  Well, they will, unless WE speak up.


So, reflecting on the power of social media, I started a Facebook group, One Million Lesbian Bisexual Queer Trans-gender Moms (OM) to let people express their thanks to organizations who support our families and our selves, our Queer selves.  Our purpose:

Lesbian, Bi, Transgender or Queer Mom, are you fed up with the filth and lies many right wing groups are throwing at us and our children? Are you tired of all the hateful influences our children are forced to contend with? If so, we urge you to become a member of One Million Lesbian, Bi, Transgender or Queer Moms (OMLBTQM, or OM….).

One Million Lesbian, Bi, Transgender or Queer Moms was begun to give LBTQ moms a positive collective voice, and act as a counter-point to hate groups such as “One Million Moms”, started by the American Family Association. You know, the group that wanted JC Penny to dump Ellen DeGeneres as their spokeswoman because she’s a homosexual? Thank you, JCP, for not caving to their hysterical demands.

OM’s goal is to support businesses and entertainment outlets that portray our LBTQ families in honest and uplifting ways. We can be a powerful tool to stand against the hate, ignorance and intolerance thrown at our families by homophobic right wing organizations. It is time to fight back! One Million Moms claims it is fighting for morality in our society so that our children grow up healthy and moral. Apparently their idea of morality doesn’t include equal treatment of people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, or trans-gender.

We are searching for one million moms who are willing to join the fight for our families. We want our children to have the best chance possible of living in a society that values them and their families. Businesses who value our families will get our support.

If you know and appreciate a television show, movie or business that is inclusive and welcoming to our families, let us know. Share you story on our Facebook page. We will recognize them with a letter of support.

Mom, it is time to take a stand for your children!

By the way, you don't have to be a mom, or a member of the queer community to lend your support and share your voice.  If you share our mission, join.

There are already 58 members, in just a few hours time.  Yes, we have a long way to go.  If you're as pissed as I am, and support our mission, join the Facebook group and help us fight hate and homophobia.  Help us usher in a new era of acceptance, understanding and inclusiveness.  Don't let the devils get away with sowing their twisted brand of morality.

Kick some homophobic ass.  Spread the good word; spread the love. And I mean RIGHT NOW.

Thea & Edie

I saw this yesterday and it is one of the best love stories I've ever witnessed.  What a joyous, delightful couple of women!  More than 42 years together, and still very much in love.  Two peas in a pod.  It gives me hope that a love like this is still possible for me.  A love where playfulness and mutual affection abound.  A love that endures hardship with good humor, and lightens the load.  It is an inspiration, and more so because when they fell in love, they lived in a world where they had to hide it.



Love is sweet, and truly good love matches are rare.  We should all be so lucky.  

Spirit Day

Today is Spirit Day, sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign.  Today I wear purple in order to support this day - a day to show my solidarity with all those who oppose bullying of lesbian, bi, transgender and gay youth.  A day to say to all my younger l,b,t,g friends and family, and to total strangers, I support YOU.  I love YOU and all you are and all you have endured to get to where you are now.  You are brave and beautiful; you deserve love and respect.  You got it.

Homophobia is Alive and Well

Actress Cynthia Nixon and her fiance have just had a baby boy together. Her finance, a butch-identified lesbian, carried the pregnancy for the couple. Being acquainted with the actress through her work on Sex In the City, I went to the yahoo news site to read the story.

I come away from that experience shocked at the comments people left; dismayed at the continued ignorance and hate that people still have in their minds and hearts. I truly live in a little lesbo-bubble in California.

People on the internet are shamefully rude in general, but throw a story in about a lesbian couple having a baby and the real wackos come to the fore. This shakes me from my little dream, and makes me even more determined to be OUT and UNASHAMED and PROUD of who I am and who I love, and the life we have together (yes, raising children together - gasp!). Yeah, I know those ignorant comments come from ignorant clowns, but those freakin' clowns (see, I can be rude, too) just might be raising children to be as hateful and ignorant as they are. I fear that! Shoot, a loving same-sex couple raising children? More love in the world. And these clowns rail at the inappropriateness of "homos raising children." My Gawd.

More videos like that wonderful young man, Zach, need to be seen. "My family isn't really so different from yours."

Except that I really want to hunt down some of the people who left those terrible comments and do great bodily harm to them. I do. I won't. But I do so want to.