Balance

Everything comes back to center, eventually, with any luck or grace there is in the universe.

I Need You, I Don't Need You

I have been obsessed with this song of late.  Must have something to do with all my reading on vulnerability.  Rufus does such a lovely job.

Snap, Crackle, Pop

feeling as if I'm mired in the sludge...looking for my energy. Once again, my blogger buddies are lifting me up. Linda Lou writes an inspirational post about kindness to strangers, Amanda writes about the arc of her creative life, Jen writes a great carpe diem post, and, as always, the bums are keeping me laughing.

Not sure what is holding me down these past few days, but I am not liking it. I am particularly annoyed at the whole notion of New Years and turning points, resolutions and reveries. It's getting on my last nerve. I'm feeling very agitated, even. Watch out. The woman with the patience of a saint is about to snap.

One Year Later

I was standing at the Crossroads.  I was cloaking my question in general terms, but my question was about my life, my marriage.  One year later, here I am experiencing a very different life in a new city, with family and friends embracing me and holding me up.

I didn't feel I was living authentically, and I didn't quite know how to change that.

I had a dream: to live a more fulfilling life, a life where I was wanted and loved and appreciated.  A life that was free of the chaos I had found myself in -- free to be me and to ask for what I want.  It was possible, I knew, but could I pull myself out of my mental and emotional quick-sand and make it happen?  Yes!  It was a long process, and it was far from easy, but, Yes!

I have found that happy existence now: I can join friends for dinner at the drop of a hat and share good food and conversation -- just a short walk from my home.  I am delighted every day by the places I see, the people I meet, the friends and family I spend my time with.  I can have family stop by unannounced and stay for dinner.

There is nothing earth-shattering about this.  I'm am a soon-to-be grandma who just wants to enjoy her life and learn to knit a decent baby blanket!  I want to read, and see movies, and cook good food.  Take long walks.  Sit in the park.  The bare necessities.  And I want to do all this in the context of good health - mental, spiritual, physical.

I want to enjoy a live baseball game, and blog, and play with my photographs.  I want to drive up into the hills and visit my friends at their forest paradise.  I walk the streets of my neighborhood and soak up all the new visuals, sounds and smells.  Roses in this town are ubiquitous and so very fragrant.  Beautiful Victorian Ladies grace the streets alongside California Bungalows.  Then you turn a corner and there's a gleaming aluminum state office building with 'the suits' standing outside for their cigarette break.

Oh what a difference a year can make.  Change can be very very good.  And it's never too late.  Never.  Ever.  Carpe Diem, my friends.  Like the blog subtitle says, Wake Up! Life is transient, swiftly passing. Be aware the great matter. Don't waste time.

What You See is What You Get

I think this is due for a re-post.  Originally posted March 2006 on this blog.

If you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity, so  that finding a penny will literally make your day, then, since the world is in fact planted with pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days.  It's that simple.  What you see is what you get.

Annie Dillard

Sunday Blogging

A lesson on the word "cunt."

Georgi O'Keefe

A history of coffee in America (United States) as I drink and contemplate my morning cuppa.

How in the world do these two things relate?  You tell me.

February

I threw your keys in the water, I looked back
They'd frozen halfway down in the ice
They froze up so quickly, the keys and their owners
Even after the anger, it all turned silent and
The everyday turned solitary
So we came to February

First we forgot where we planted those bulbs last year
Then we forgot that we'd planted at all
Then we forgot what plants are altogether
And I blamed you for my freezing and forgetting and
The nights were long and cold and scary
Can we live through February ?

You know I think Christmas was a long red glare
Shot up like a warning, we gave presents without cards
And then the snow
And then the snow came, we were always out shovelling
And we'd drop to sleep exhausted
And we'd wake up and it's snowing

And February was so long that it lasted into March
And found us walking a path alone together
You stopped and pointed and you said "that's a crocus"
And I said "what's a crocus ?" and you said "it's a flower"
I tried to remember but I said "what's a flower ?"
You said "I still love you"

The leaves were turning as we drove to the hardware store
My new lover made me keys to the house
And when we got home, well we just started chopping wood
Because you never know how next year will be
And we'll gather all our arms can carry
I have lost to February

Dar Williams