Shunryu Suzuki: Study Yourself

Shunryu Suzuki: Study Yourself
The purpose of studying Buddhism is not to study Buddhism. It is to study ourselves.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Home

As the completion of the new house draws near, I am experiencing moving-in dreams.  Not content to dream of this particular house, my subconscious  is constructing scenarios of houses located next to crashing surf; houses in open fields; houses under water.  I am frantically directing the movers to place this here and that there.  I am not sure that these placements are at all right, but I don't have time or energy to work it all out -- and there's no need to drive the workers crazy with my indecision.

If I remember correctly from my Jung reading, water in dreams often represent the feminine, the intuitive and the emotional.  Houses often reflect the psyche.

I'd say that my dreams are pulling from my fretting about the logistics of moving, as well as contemplation of my new, permanent home.  I've been living in a state of suspended animation for 10 months, first at my parents', then in this apartment with my parents.  Most of my material possessions are either with my former wife (now they are my former possessions) or in a storage locker.  I'm tired of this temporary existence, and want some of my life back, in the form of familiar furniture, artwork and nick-nacks.

I've moved a lot in the last decade.  Living in rental homes is a tenuous business, subject to the personal and economic decisions of others.  I've become emotionally invested in the homes I've lived in.  I've made a lot of improvements to the properties I temporarily inhabited.  Then, like an unfixed sand painting, it's gone.  I must begin again.