Now that I am on a greatly reduced and fixed income, I have to parse my expenditures carefully. I rarely eat out, and when I do, I am back to the stage first adopted in my twenties to choose from the lower-priced menu items. It's a must if I want the pleasure of dining out. And I've discovered that I am usually pleased with my menu selection, and no, I don't need the $10 glass of wine. Unless you're paying, of course - heh.
My first very awkward moment in dining was 30 years ago, out with friends to celebrate someones birthday. My then-husband and I were among a group of just six. A nice restaurant featuring Creole cooking. Our hosts, a couple familiar with the restaurant, took charge of ordering for the table. The table. Yes, you read that right. Champagne, abundant appetizers, a selection of dishes that were varied so we could all 'taste.' Then the after dinner drinks and dessert. I forget what the bill was, but it was to be split so the birthday boy's dinner was his present. My husband handled the transaction and I notice he was becoming pale and ill-tempered. As we strolled to our car I found out why. The bill was astronomical. For us, anyway. We were eating with high-rollers, people who dropped hundreds of dollars at a meal without a care. That was the last time we ate with those folks. It ruined the whole affair; for chrissakes I remember it thirty years later.
In the intervening 30 years, as my income rose, I treated myself and friends to high-priced meals out. I became insensitive to the cost -- it was a gastronomical adventure to be indulged in and enjoyed. So I understand that side of the story as well. I do think I kept in mind that some of my dinner companions were making far less money than I, and I hope (and like to think) I adjusted dining choices appropriately.
Here I am decades later: retired and separated from my wife, with a new self-induced income restricted life. Recently, once again, I experienced extreme sticker shock when I treated a couple of friends to a meal out. These are good friends, and generous in many ways, and I wanted to reciprocate.
We were at a nice restaurant. I was there to enjoy and to treat my friends, but my pesky nervous anxiety began as one cocktail turned into two which needed to be accompanied by nibbles. A lovely meal followed, really, but it was lavish and beyond my means. Urp. Pass the antacids, please. I have got to come up with a strategy for this kind of thing. My guests were enjoying themselves, and I did not want to screw that up with the realities of my economic limitations. But. Won't do that again without some parameters. I think just being straightforward is the key here. Something like, "I'd love to take you to dinner. My treat for a change. Let's choose a restaurant in my price range -- if you can handle it! Or we could have cocktails and d'oeuvres out, and dinner at home. Whaddya say?"
So, uh, awkward, when all you want to do is sup on a fine meal with friends. Sheesh.
